My Story

My introduction to motherhood was probably very similar to a lot of you reading this now.

We may as well start at the very beginning… Our journey to conception wasn’t smooth sailing. We needed to turn to a fertility specialist after years of trying to conceive naturally and failing time and time again. After another year and half of fertility treatment and eventually IVF, we finally fell pregnant with our first.

I went on to have a very uneventful yet enjoyable pregnancy. I spent my days daydreaming of what our daughter would look like, what her little personality would be like, and how we would spend our days.

I imagined going out on coffee dates, having sweet little cuddles at home, sitting in her beautifully decorated nursery breastfeeding, then popping her down in the cot for her to drift peacefully off to sleep while I pottered around the house or sat and rested, reading a book and having cups of tea. I know… I can hear you all laughing at my naivety.

Just like my pregnancy, my daughter’s birth was also fairly routine and uneventful. She took us by surprise arriving few days before her due date, and the moment she was born and in my arms I was filled with so many emotions, but I was surprised that I didn’t feel an immediate bond with her. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her, but it wasn’t what I expected it would be like. I later learned that this is normal and that it can take months to form a bond with your baby, but at the time I did feel a sense of guilt, worrying I didn’t love her as much as I should especially considering everything we went through to conceive.

As the days went by, she became more and more unsettled, and she would just cry and cry and cry. Nothing we did seemed to help. I struggled breastfeeding, every time she latched it felt like razor blades and I dreaded each feed.

We sought help from a lactation consultant at the hospital and while we worked on latching positions and boosting my supply we were advised to top up with formula. This helped to a degree, but we were still experiencing hours of crying each day where we just could not settle her.

We reached out to friends and doctors who all kept telling us that this was “normal” baby behaviour, and it would "get better" once she hit three months of age. You can imagine my horror, holding my crying (correction.. SCREAMING) 4 week old and being told I would just have to put up with this and wait it out for at least another two months!!!!!!!

Fast forward 3 months. My now almost 4 month old was finally starting to cry less and was sleeping a bit better during the day and we were getting some longer stretches of sleep at night. I was starting to form a bond with her, and I was feeling great, like.. I got this!

That new found confidence didn’t last long. After a few weeks of finally getting some good sleep overnight we were back to waking every couple of hours. I turned to google and online forums for support and discovered that what we were experiencing was the dreaded “4 month sleep regression”. It was great that there was a name for it and that I wasn’t alone, but most of the advice I was seeing was again, to just wait it out, it was a “phase” and that it would pass.

So, that’s what I did. I waited and waited and WAITED. Each month the overnight wakes would become more frequent to the point where I was up every 45 minutes trying to settle my 8 month old back to sleep by any means possible. Days weren’t any better. It would take me hours to get her take a nap, often resorting to driving endlessly around the block, only to have her sleep for 20 to 40 minutes.

[FWIW: In hindsight, none of this was normal, and I should never have been told to just "wait it out"!!!]

I was at my wit's end and had admitted defeat. I was becoming concerned about my daughter's well being and development. Surely if I was exhausted, her poor little body wasn't able to thrive on such little sleep. I felt so lost and had such a sense of guilt that I didn’t know how to help my own baby. So, I eventually asked for help.

I received some basic sleep education, guidance and support and that same day my daughter had two of the longest naps she had ever done, both of them in her cot. In that moment my confidence grew. I felt confident in what I was doing, and I felt confident in my daughter’s ability to sleep. That night I had a plan. I knew exactly what I was going to do when she woke, no more just winging it.

The next morning I woke up to my husband’s alarm in a panic and rushed into my daughter’s room. Surely something was wrong, I hadn’t heard from her all night. But there she was, still sleeping peacefully in her cot.

It took another couple of weeks for everything to fall into place and for me to get used to my new routine, but it was by far the best thing I ever did, and I kicked myself (hard) for not reaching out for help sooner.

This is where my new obsession started. My life changed dramatically that day and I could finally enjoy my baby, and the world just seemed a much better and brighter place. Most importantly, my daughter was so much happier, calmer and content!

I wanted to spread the word to other parents who were struggling. There is not enough education provided to parents around sleep before or after birth. We get thrown in the deep end and don’t have the “village” to help us. We try and educate ourselves but it’s a mine field out there and we are bombarded with conflicting advice, misinformation, and get criticised for every decision we make.

So, I have dedicated my time to learn everything and anything I can about babies and sleep so I can go out there and help families regain their lives and help their babies get the sleep they need so families can feel empowered and thrive during these early years, and not just battle through one day at a time like I did.

Our second was born when my daughter was just 13 months old. He was another IVF baby, and yes, we are crazy… but I felt confident knowing that I had a better understanding of what we were getting ourselves into and that we would get through.

Our son’s temperament was completely different to our daughter's. He was by no means a perfect baby, but he was a lot calmer and rarely cried (who knew siblings could be chalk and cheese). And although the basics behind his sleep were the same, I had to approach his routine and settling a bit differently to suit his personality. I loved being able to use my knowledge to make informed decisions.

We now have four children, welcoming another two boys to the mix (one IVF, the other a much wanted miracle), and sleep just isn’t one of those things that we stress about anymore. Of course, things don’t always go to plan. We still hit setbacks, the kids still get sick and we travel which can throw their routines out for a few days. But it’s never a big ordeal. We know that with any setbacks around their sleep we have the tools to get back on track, so we can live our lives and enjoy our children.

Being a parent is not an easy job. It comes with a lot of challenges, thankfully for us, sleep is not one of them and it makes the world of difference with our ability to tackle each day.

If you are reading this and can see a little of yourself in my story, I want to let you know that you are not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So many parents suffer in silence because they are led to believe that sleep deprivation is a rite of passage for all parents and that everything will improve on its own when their child grows out of their sleep issues.

But why wait when you can improve not only your child’s sleep, but also your own sleep now?

I am a mother just like you. I know what it feels like. I have been there, and I also know that things can be better.

Don’t suffer in silence. No matter how big or how small your child’s sleep problem is, reach out, if you need help. I am always here for a quick chat to start you off in the right direction.