The Truth About Sleep Training: Dispelling the Fear of 'Learned Helplessness'

There’s a common myth that sleep training teaches babies "learned helplessness," suggesting that they stop signalling for help overnight because they feel their needs won’t be met. However, this is not the case when sleep training is done responsibly and with responsiveness in mind.

Why Sleep Training Doesn’t Lead to Learned Helplessness

1. Sleep Training Focuses on Self-Settling, Not Ignoring Needs Sleep training is about teaching babies the skill of self-settling and how to settle back to sleep on their own when they wake during normal sleep cycles. It doesn't mean parents ignore their baby's cries or abandon them to figure it out on their own. In fact, many sleep training methods are gradual and involve parental presence and reassurance.

Babies still learn that their caregivers are there when they need them. Parents often check on their baby, respond if there’s a genuine need, and ensure their child is safe, comfortable, and healthy.

2. Babies Still Signal When They Have True Needs Even after sleep training, babies continue to wake and cry when they’re hungry, uncomfortable, sick, or need their caregiver for other reasons. Sleep training simply helps them distinguish between needing help and the natural nighttime waking that everyone experiences.

Babies who learn to self-settle cry less for minor disturbances, but they still signal for their parents when they truly need comfort or care, whether it’s for hunger, a soiled nappy, or feeling unwell.

3. Responsive Methods Reinforce Trust, Not Helplessness All the sleep training methods in my online and 1:1 programs, allow for a balance of teaching self-settling while remaining responsive to the baby’s cues. When parents use these methods, they provide comfort, reassurance, and check-ins, building a baby’s trust that their needs will always be met. This is very different from learned helplessness, where a baby would give up signalling altogether because they feel abandoned.

The myth that sleep training leads to "learned helplessness" largely stems from misunderstandings of research on emotional neglect, particularly from studies conducted in orphanages. One commonly cited example is the research from Romanian orphanages in the 1980s and 1990s, where babies were often left for long periods without adequate caregiving. These children experienced extreme neglect, leading to attachment issues, developmental delays, and in some cases, learned helplessness—where they stopped crying because their needs were consistently unmet.

It's important to note that the conditions in these orphanages were vastly different from responsible sleep training practices. In these orphanages, babies did not receive proper emotional or physical care, and all their needs were consistently ignored over long periods of time. This extreme neglect is what led to learned helplessness, not simply being left to sleep.

In contrast, sleep training focuses on teaching babies to self-settle in a loving, supportive environment. It does not involve abandoning a baby or ignoring their needs. The sleep training methods in my programs are designed to ensure that babies still feel secure and supported while learning to fall asleep independently.

This is why the findings from these orphanage studies are not comparable and cannot be applied to sleep training in a typical family setting. When done with care and responsiveness, sleep training does not result in emotional neglect or learned helplessness, but rather promotes healthy sleep habits within the context of a loving, attentive relationship.

Sleep Training and Secure Attachment

Research shows that sleep training, when done with care and responsiveness, does not harm the parent-child bond or prevent babies from signalling their needs. In fact, secure attachment is built on consistent, loving care—both during the day and at night. Sleep training simply helps a baby learn the skill of falling asleep more independently, while still knowing their caregiver will respond when needed.

Sleep training isn’t about teaching babies not to cry; it’s about helping them feel more secure and rested, which benefits both the baby and the entire family.